Caring is Sharing?

Ok.... so when we are young we are taught to share and share alike. But what do u do when u get tried of sharing. What about when u feel more like ur fighting for attention? I'm sure its not just me that has experienced this. Here's the situation:

I've been in a relationship for the last little over a year now. And it seems lately that I am fight for attention. Like time is divided by work, tv, friends, other friends, then me. Its like ok..... At what point does my turn start? At what point do I get to go first. I mean how many more problems do u feel u have to solve for ur before u get to ME!?!?

I guess it pisses me of so bad because I've been down this road before in past relationships, and I know how this story ends. U get so fed up that u make moves for urself and ur own happiness.

But I don't want that this time. I feel like I finally have something worth fighting for, and I want to make it work. But I'm just soooooo fed up. I'm just tired. I don't know what I supposed to do. What do I do?

......... Blah!!!

So ok. I'm supposed to be able to vent right? Ok. Well..... I feel like SHIT!. I feel so worthless and helpless right now. Whats goin on inside this big ol' head of mine? Hell its a mystery to me. I wish I could get it together. I need to get my life back, but where do I even start? I don't know. Where is the Vodka? Vodka makes me think pretty. lol. Maybe I just need a hug? I don't know whats goin on. LORD HELP ME!!!!

My own Xtraordinary Machine!!! 09-19-2009

So yeah, I was too much of a punk to give this to u in person. I'm a lil bit corny but u gotta love it..... lol. So here it is:


It must be love... Because I can't stop thinkin about u. You're always on my mind, and I want to keep u there. So I can look at u, watch u do things u enjoy, see u smile.

It must be love... Because no matter how much time we spend together, it never seemd to be enough. Being with u feels so good that I find myself missing u before we even say goodbye.

It must be love... Because I know that I could never feel as close to anyone else as I do u.

Sweet Dreams or a Beautiful Nightmare?

As much as I hate to say it (Because I'm not much a a Beyonce fan anymore)..... She hit this nail right on the head. "You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare. Either way I, don't wanna wake up from you. Sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare. Somebody pinch me, your loves to good to be true." Wow!!!!

Welcome Back Jason!!!

So I been gone for a lil bit reflecting a lot on life, love, and all that goos stuff. Is it just me? Doesn't everyone take a little time and kinda withdraw a little from the world and just sort things out? Plan out life? Or just see have far away from that plan u are, and how much time and work it would take to get back on track.

I think thats the point that I'm at. I feel like life has gotten so far away from the plan I kinda set that I have to figure out if I'm supposed to get back to that plan or is life taking control and putting me where it wants me to be? I'm not really sure.......

Are u there Vodka? It's me Jason.

U ever have one of "Those" days When u just want some one to make it all better? I mean just wrap their arms around u til it all goes away days. That's my day. I mean it started out great. Woke up early this morning. Walked the dog. Got ready for work. U know the regular routine. When I got in the car and backed out the drive way I felt a force puing back to the house. I should've went with that.

Other than wanting to take my finger and press the arm on the clock to help the time pass on it seemed like a regular day. I mean I still had the normal things kinda weighing on me. But I was cool. I'm strong. I can handle it. Right? Maybe not.

I mean lets just be real..... This 6'4" 250+ frame of mine might look "Ford Tough"..... But shit. I'm human. I'mma a regular ol' person. I bleed when I'm cut and cry when I'm sad. I mean how much pressure and stress am I supposed to take before I cry out "uncle", before I throw in the towel. It just seems that I work hard.... press forward..... and just get knockwd down every time.

Who would have thought that a little flat tire would be that straw to break the camels back. I mean when I say it out loud it doesn't seem that bad. Its just a flat. Right? But when u add that to all the rest of the regular expenses, and all the everyday pressures, I just feel like I can't take anymore. Lord please...... a little help here. I mean really. Can I get a break? I just want to breathe for a minute. I'll man up in a minute and come back to it.... but can I get 5 minutes?

Oh well. Are u there Vodka? It's me Jason. Its been a realy long day and I could use a hug.... lol