Welcome To My World

Memoirs of a Socialite: X-Tasy

2012-02-13T20:32:00.000-08:00

The thing about u is... U've done so much without even trying. When I met u, honestly, I thought U'd be another notch in the headboard... Another mission accomplished. I never knew U'd take me THERE..

Where?

To this point of no return... Everyday I wake up... mentally its a new experience, a new lesson, a new adventure. I'm not tryna stop. Not just yet.

Mentally... U take me THERE!!!

U take me to new heights without even knowing it, effortlessly, without ever trying. I wasn't expecting U... I wasn't expecting THIS... I wasn't expecting US...

Thank U.

Thank U for breathing that fresh breath into my damaged existence. Thank U for appearing at that exact point I decided to give up. Thank U for U. Thank U for new ME. Thank U for US...

X-Tasy!

Memoirs of a Socialite: L.O.V.E.

2011-12-01T21:36:00.000-08:00

The strange thing about love...

Love is like that Abusive spouse. No matter how much we're hurt by it... No matter much it makes us cry, we still keep running back to it. Y? Y exactly is this one thing so important? Y is the need for love or the need to BE LOVED so important that we're willing to do just about anything to get it?

Love is my drug of choice I guess. Its like the closer I get to it the more I want it. It makes me SWEAT... I start to SHAKIN.

Ever been LOVED?

Ever LOVED?

I guess its those little glimpses of what could be... those little samples of what Love could feel like that bring me back. A while back I swore off Love. I wanted nothing else to do with it. I was FED UP! Not anymore. I'm on my LL Cool J right now.

I NEED LOVE.

A real Love tho. Not that fake stuff u find lurking around the corners. I'm wanting forever. I'm talking exchanging rings & last names. That's what I'm on.

Are u ready for that?

Memoirs of a Socialite: Hey Young World

2011-11-13T22:06:00.000-08:00

I'm in a good place. LOOK OUT WORLD!!! I'm BACK....

All I needed was a swift kick in the ass to get me back on my GRIND.

Thank U WORLD... for not letting me give up...

I've had to kiss a couple frogs on my way, but I definitely am on my way to find what I've always wanted.

Hey Young World...

I gotta new attitude.

I gotta new outlook.

I gotta new support.

I gotta new drive.

Jason Urban Socialite Curry 7.0 (new & improved)

Memoirs of a Socialite: Please Excuse my Tears

2011-11-07T21:02:00.000-08:00

Please excuse my tears. I didn't mean to be emotional. I meant to be a 6'4" ROCK. I meant to be an emotionless vessel.

Normally my feelings are tucked so far away... Or are they? Cuz if they were How is it possible to constantly be hurt the way I am? How is it possible to be constantly let down like I am?

I think I need to do a better job of guarding ME... But if I do that then am I being fair to who or whatever's next?

I'm confused. I don't get it... And I'm tired of trying to make sense of it all.

Memoirs of a Socialite: God do u forgive ME?

2011-11-06T17:42:00.000-08:00

U ever feel so caught up in ur own life that u forget u aren't alone? Its crazy cuz I was always taught to trust God on Everything.... BIGG and small. But when I got into a situation I was so convinced that I was alone...

I'm glad I was wrong.

God do u forgive ME? Forgive me for almost turning my back on U completely? Forgive me for losing sleep worrying about the things I turned over to u.... The same things I said I put in ur hand.

God u showed me the type of God I really serve. All i can do is say I'm Sorry and it will never happen again.

God do u Forgive ME?

Memoirs of a Socialite: Green Grass

2011-07-08T15:03:00.001-07:00

The grass always looks GREENER on the other side cuz its Fertilized in BULL SHIT!!!

Memoirs of a Socialite: Fighting a losing BATTLE

2011-07-08T15:01:00.000-07:00

Have u ever been at ur wits end? At that point where ur just ready to throw in the towel?

Where do U go from there?

What's ur next move?

Ur in a situation that U just knew would work out...

RIGHT???

That's the Love Game (more like the "Love Battle").

Its like.... U fight this fight with all ur MIGHT. U give EVERYTHING U HAVE, Ur Absolute ALL... and still Nothin!!!

Y do I feel like I'm fighting for something that should already be MINE??? Could it be that "Real Love" isn't quite REAL at all?

Love is a LOSING GAME. At least that's what Amy said. But what does she know? And ain't she a CRACKHEAD anyway???

Continue to fight or Bow our Gracefully???

TO BE CONTINUED...

Memoirs of a Socialite: Tears on a Blackberry...

2011-04-27T19:05:00.000-07:00

For the last week I think I've cried more than I have in my entire adult life.

I'm tired of cryin.

I'm tired of feelin.

I'm just tired of being sad. I've never been a sad person. I'm usually pretty upbeat. But I can't shake this one. I wear these feelings like a cloak on my back it seems. My permanent garb of shame. Either way these feelings weigh me down like a sack of stone. If I can muster up a smile, its filled with heartache and pain.

I'm SAD y'all...

If I cry one more time today I'm gonna pull out my hair. I hate this. I wanna go back to never feelin a thing. I wanna be cold and cruel again. I want that... Can I get that please? I mean whats the point of emotions anyway? THEY HURT!!!

I don't think my Blackberry can take too many more days like THIS.

Memoirs of a Socialite: Thinkin......

2011-03-28T17:27:00.000-07:00

OH GOD!!! My thoughts won't leave me alone. I have some many thoughts and idea just floatin around in my head. I need to take a vacation from thinkin. U ever have one of those days where u can't really make heads or tales of ur thoughts. That's how I feel. My mind i one big heap of jumbled MUSH. I'M GONNA GO CRAZY TRYNA FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT!!! I think if I just had a day to it down and figure stuff out it wouldn't be so bad. But between workin slave hours, finishin this LAST CLASS, spendin time with the family, and all without neglectin the BOO. If that ain't a full plate I don't know what is. But that's life.... At least that's what I'm told.

Memoirs of a Socialite: My Moment of Truth.....

2011-03-26T16:14:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here readin. READIN & THINKIN... THINKIN & READIN. I've said some pretty strong stuff on this blog. Its a wonder I haven't been called out and challenged for my words. I mean DAMN!!!

The crazy thing about what I talk about is.... Its all random. Each post started out as a random though or idea that kinda grew from there. Dispite what some people think I never set out to hurt or offend anyone with my words. I really just wanted to get these crazy thoughts out my head. THAT IS ALL!!!

But here's the thing. I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry for anything that I've ever voiced.... Anything I've every shared. I'm GROWN!!! I have an opinion and unlike others I've not gonna allow other people to silence me. OUT HELL NO!!! Its just not happening. I can't allow folks to control me. Not at almost 30 y/0. I'M NOT GOIN!!!

So I say all this to say.... Anyone out there that reads my blog and finds themselves offended or hurt by any of my words..... FIND ANOTHER BLOG!!! I'm not changing. I'm not backing down. AND I COULD REALLY GIVE A GOOD FLYING FUCK!!!

Memoirs of a Socialite: I been gone for a Minute....

2011-03-08T15:28:00.000-08:00

So its been a while. Did u miss me? I know I missed u. I missed tellin u all my deepest darkest secrets. I missed havin someone to vent to. I missed havin someone to celebrate with..... But I'm back. And I promise I'll never leave u this long again. SCOUTS HONOR (tho I was never a scout).

So what u wanna talk about?

Memoirs of a Socialite: My Forbidden Fruit part III...

2010-11-26T04:09:00.000-08:00

Dear Forbidden Fruit......

Thank U!!!

Memoirs of a Socialite: God Hates Fags pt II

2010-11-19T05:19:00.000-08:00

So here's the thing..... I love a BOLD BITCH.

Someone that speaks their mind and just deals with the consequences. What I hate tho is a Anonymous Pussy. U know the ones. They got a lot to say but their message is usually delivered thru an unrecognisable phone number or fake email address. Those are the ones that bother me. I mean U got SOOOOO much to say but ur hiding behind this false identity? How serious can I take this?

Its crazy cuz in 2010 at almost 30 y/o (damn..... I'm gettin old) people still wanna play this game with me. I'm a pretty direct person, who loves someone to be as direct with me. Ur threats and warnings fall on deaf ears when U can't identify urself and stand behind them.

Dear Anonymous Pussy:

Stop textin my phone. When u get heart enough to actually have an ADULT CONVERSATION hit me up. Call me too.... Don't text. A call just shows more courage. Until then GROW THE FUCK UP. Ur not worth my FREE NIGHTS & WEEKENDS or my UNLIMITED TEXT plan. lol. Lonely ass playin on my phone cuz U can't buy a damn friend..... That Is All!!!

Memoirs of a Socialite: My Forbidden Fruit part II

2010-10-25T17:56:00.000-07:00

I didn't wanna write that... But I did

I didn't wanna think that... But I was

I still probably shouldn't be feelin this... But I am (still).

I just can't help it. I been tryin to fight this but the more I fight the more I feel. DAMN!!! How long can I go on ignoring how I feel? How long can I go on playin the role? DAMN!!! Got me sittin up dreamin love poems like:

When ur around me I get this feelin

My mind draws a blank

Knees start to shake

Then my heart starts to race

I'm feelin like I lost control

My hands get a little cold

I get nervous inside and out

I have these feelins I can't figure out

These butterflies inside of me

Keep flutterin all throughout

Just when u think they're gone for good

They try to come out

Its sumthin in ur ways

That's y U got me like you do

The way you seem to make me feel

Guess that's y I like you like I do......

Ummmmmmmm........................................ What the HELL are u doing to me?

Memoirs of a Socialite: God Hates Fags..... (& so do I)

2010-10-22T22:29:00.001-07:00

I'm sure I'm gonna catch a lot of flack for what I'm about to write. I'm sure there are gonna be those out there that disagree.... This post has been in the works for quite some time but I wasn't sure if I should even go thru it or not..... But whats the point of a BLOG if u cant be free to express ur own opinions?

GOD HATES FAGS..... I'm sure when u hear this line u get the image of "Uber-Christians" picketing outside of some LGBT event.... But this isn't that. This is directed to the FAGS not the GAYS (and yes there is a difference). The gays are just same sex loving people looking for some type of equality (SN: in 2010 its sad they haven't found what they are looking for). I mean these are just normal people: Doctors, Lawyers, Police Officers, Actors...... etc. The FAGS on the other hand are HATERS. They lie, cheat, talk behind ur back. Cowards if u will. A FAG lives for the drama.... They intentionally go out and start as much shit as possible, and sit back and watch the mess they've created. I'm sure if we all think hard enough we know some FAGS. FAGS want to hurt u. They want to tear down every person they come across. Be it fueled but jealousy or stupidity, the FAGS are out there. Its crazy to me tho..... that a community like the LGBT would be so divided when they are already facing so much..... But hey, U can't tell a FAG SHIT cuz they're dumb.

Messy:

I've come across some MESSY FAGS in my time. The ones that kinda sit back and talk shit about u just because. Recently while out with some friends..... My BFF/Wifey Evonne overheard a FAG talkin about me. He didn't even know me. Wouldn't know my last name if it wasn't for FB..... But he was running his mouth anyway.... But y? Honestly, because I wasn't interested in dating him. Come on now, ur gonna try to run my name in the mud cuz I'm just not that into U(SN: he was very UGLY)? Get over it MESSY FAG. Once in a while u'll have to deal with the reality that people aren't gonna always like u. Get over it and move on.... DAMN!!!

Cyber Bully:

I'm starting to think that FB and other social networks are the FAGS Best Friend. They spew their hate all over pages and status updates. The other day a WELL KNOWN MESSY FAG attempted to start a fight over the Internet just because he was bored. FAG get a life. While u sit ur lonely ass around tryna get shit jumpin off on the computer people are out livin their lives. Redirect some of that boredom..... read a book, better yet FILL OUT A JOB APPLICATION. I just don't get it. U spend time and energy hatin on somebody that's not even thinkin about u. DUH!!! Who fights over the computer anyway? Get a LIFE.

Homie Smasher:

This one cracks me up..... Anyone that follows my Blog knows that I've been single for a minute (SN: by choice). I've met some really cool people along the way..... One in particular, HEY BOO!!! Anyway... so this dating scene is really cut throat these days. Folks just runnin around fuckin EVERYBODY. So it seems that every time I might be interested in someone they turn around a FUCK one of my friends. I can't blame my friends cuz they don't know. I'mma trying sumthin new with dating.... Keepin it a Secret for a while... lol. But yeah, these folks keep SMASHIN my HOMIES. Come on now. U think I'm not gonna know? And its so STUPID cuz its happened at least 5 times this year. LMAO & SMDH at the same time. Who fucks in a circle? Y would u bone my buddy when so many other willing folk out there? I just don't understand

I think this is gonna be an on going story so be on the look out for part 2.....

Pink: Stop Falling

2010-10-22T22:18:00.000-07:00

Mini Blog: Too HOT for TV!!!

2010-10-13T21:58:00.000-07:00

FUCK it. FUCK Him. FUCK what happened. FUCK what we were. FUCK what we could have been. Fuck what happened. FUCK U!!!

Memoirs of a Socialite: Dating in 2010 (a comedy)

2010-09-26T15:38:00.000-07:00

Dating: Where do I start? Dating this year has been the most trying, some times funny, draining experience of my life. I have been through so many different situations in this one year alone. But I've learned a lot. I've made some really good friends along the way. Haven't made any love connections yet. Hell I haven't even had any GOOD SEX!!! lol. But I've experienced certain things I'll probably carry with me FOREVER.

Trying: One of the most irritating parts of dating is people not understanding what "dating" really is. I use the word dating for lack of a better term. But when I say dating, I'm talking the getting to know u stage. Hanging out ONCE IN A WHILE. TALKING on the phone. NO COMMITMENTS. Freedom to meet really. The thing that seems to happen to me almost EVERY TIME is the "Instant Attachment." Like after the first date we are automatically a couple. Excuse me, What? How does that work exactly? U don't even know my last name, well unless ur one of my FaceBook or Twitter fans. U have NO clue who I am, what I do, or stand for. I mean I'm just looking to MEET people, not fall in love at first DATE. Talking on the phone is another crazy one. When did we get so WRAPPED up in cyber space or speed texting that we can't pick up the phone and talk. And if we do actually talk, REALLY with that awkward silence? Come on now. I gotta pay that tab on the date and hold the WHOLE conversation myself? SMDH.....

Sometimes Funny: Now I'm not gonna go into details cuz I know I've hung out with a few people that read my blog and I don't wanna put up with a lot of angry text or inbox messages. But I will say this, Y'all are funny. FYI: "Cute insults" on a date as a way to break the ice..... NOT FUNNY. What is funny is u all sitting around wondering y we didn't work. Another funny one...... Inviting me out on a date and telling me not only am I picking u up but I gotta plan the whole date. I could take myself out on a date with all this WORK. This is so funny to me. U know u wanna go out. U know ur interested in me. But u want me to put in any work? What are u gonna be doing? BTW: If we go out on a first and second date, don't wear the same thing both times. I pay attention to EVERYTHING!!! I notice it all. I don't judge but I want u to be able to keep up. Fashion is important to me....

Draining: How many text messages do u have to send? How many phone calls do u have to place? How many voicemails do I have to delete? I mean..... when do u say when? Throw in the damn towel already. I get so fed up with people wanting to pressure me into something I didn't ask for in the first place. We are all adults here so I can speak freely..... A ONE NIGHT STAND is not grounds to build a healthy relationship. Its just what it say "ONE NIGHT STAND" (FYI: I'm celibate, this is just an example). To go further with this.... There is no written rule that says I have to like u cuz u like me. Whats the point of being single if I have to jump at the first thing that approaches? Y can't we just be friends and then see where that leads us?

Dating in 2010: A good friend of mine likes to call me popular all the time. He says "Everyone wants some Jason." But in reality, when ur done with all that..... all I want is a meaningful relationship. I want a partner to build, experience, and grow with. I mean I'm not getting any younger and eventually my social light will fade away. When that time comes it would great to have that ONE to settle down. I would love to close the "Memoirs of a Socialite" chapter of my life and start living out the "Happily Ever After" part of the story.......

Memoirs of a Socialite: My Forbidden Fruit

2010-09-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't be writin this... But I am

I shouldn't be thinkin this... But I am

I shouldn't be feelin this... But I am

I can't help it. I've always been a rebel at heart. I've always been the kid that did what he was told not to. Or did what others said he couldn't. I'm sittin here and I can't help but to think about U. I can't stop it. I try to ignore it.... That doesn't work. I don't know how to control it, at least not yet. I gotta admit.... some times I feel WEAK for feelin this way about u. Its beyond me... I can't control it... Or force it to be, U know, what I want it to be.

So what do I do with this? What do I say about this? Do I even tell u what I'm REALLY FEELIN? Or do I keep on like I been doin? Keepin to myself with all this goin on in my head? I need a Drink.... LOL. Just sumthin to take the edge off.

The funniest part of all this is that I have all these people fighting to get to know me. But I can't get u out me head.... DAMN that Forbidden Fruit

Mini Blog: Sorry World!!!

2010-09-19T19:50:00.000-07:00

OK Blog world..... I need to apologize to u. I'm been M.I.A. on u for far too long. My last post was a month ago. Well I'm back with more stories of life, love, and all that other FOOLISHNESS. New "Socialite" post coming soon.......

Mini Blog: Tha Definition of a Father

2010-08-18T18:17:00.000-07:00

To be considered a father, u would have to do more than u did. All u did is had sex with my mother.... That just makes u a MOTHER FUCKER!!!

Now run tell him I said that.......

Memoirs of a Socialite: A Letter 2 "Daddy"

2010-08-14T18:28:00.000-07:00

Dear "Daddy"

Now I think that I've turned out a pretty successful young man. I have an education, great job, friends that love me, and a one on one relationship with God. It bothers me tho. Like I wonder y didn't u help me in any of that? Now I know when u talk to all ur friends and family and u tell them how well I'm doing U feel like it was all u...... WHAT PART DID U PLAY? I mean really. Since I can remember Its been Me, My Sister, and My Mom. Us against the world (6810). That's all I've had. Y is that? What really happened that U felt it was best to throw us on the back burner while u live ur life? I mean lets not sugar coat anything. How much time did u ever spend with me? Y didn't u ever teach me to throw a football? The little stuff. No woman should have to raise a MAN. But my mom had to. DAMN SHAME.

Dear "Daddy"

What if I didn't have U? How different would my life be? Hmmmmmm...... Not by much I think cuz I never really had U to begin with. I mean U left my mom and set up shop else where. Now don't get me wrong, I gotta GREAT Brother and Sister (HEY TWIN!) out the deal. But I mean how much was damaged? How much was Sacrificed to get u what u wanted at the moment? Did u ever think about the outcome? Or were u just too busy living ur life? Come on.... Tell me. I can take it.

Dear "Daddy"

Do u ever think about me? Do u care about me? Did u ever care about me? I mean I'm ur first BOY. Did u forget me yet? I think u did. I mean to not know my birthday (that hasn't changed in the last 28 years). Come on now. I know u say u know it. But I was there when U called Beth a couple days before to check to make sure u hadn't missed it. I DARE U TO SAY I'M LYING ABOUT THAT. I DARE U!!!

Dear "Daddy"

In almost 28 years do u even know me? If someone came up and asked u about Tha Urban Socialite would u have any idea what they were talkin about? Kinda sad. U know I was laughin the other day thinkin about Patrice. Her and Eddy have been married about 5 years now and SHE knows WAY MORE about me then U ever would. Ain't that sad? Too bad if u ask me. Even more..... Do I know U? HELL NO!!!

Dear "Daddy"

I know nothing about u. That's so sad to be of the same family and at the same time perfect strangers. What do I know about u other than ur name? I've always asked myself, if someone called me and told me u passed away how would I react? Honestly I can't say that I would shed a tear. The only thing I could even think of to say is..... "Man! That's too bad." I should be able to come up with more than that for a parent, but I can't. U ever notice how awkward it is when we are around each other? That's because I don't know u.

I don't know:

ur favorite color

ur favorite movie

if u went to college

Now "Daddy" I don't want u to think I hate U. I don't. U know what I feel for u? HONESTLY? I feel pitty. Pitty cuz U missed out on an opportunity to get to know a GREAT GUY u helped create.

Memoirs of a Socialite: 09-19-2008

2010-08-05T17:52:00.000-07:00

OK.... So Yeah I miss u. Like right now being on the phone with u I'm thinking about u. LOL! Crazy right? Ur not that bad of a person. And U've changed a lil bit. Its cute. I'm glad that we can be friends. Ur my Pineapple Express. Always will be. REMEMBER THAT DAMNIT!!!

So yeah today I miss u.

TELL THE WORLD......

I still remember The All White in the middle of the summer and that weird ass play.

Neatly folded clothes in the corner.... lol

I'm not gonna keep going.

But I do.

Fairy Tales - Anita Baker

2010-08-02T19:07:00.000-07:00

Memoirs of a Socialite: Who is Tha Urban Socialite?

2010-07-29T08:04:00.000-07:00

U know a few weeks ago I had my 10 class reunion. It was pretty funny because tho I looked similar to what I did Senior year.... I am a completely different person. Back then That Jason's biggest life experience was maybe Prom Night.. Now Today's Jason is an Urban Socialite.

So what does that mean exactly?

I'm the Life of the Party instead of the wall flower I used to be. I'm fun. I'm a good time kinda guy. If u look thru pictures of me I'm always laughin and havin a good time. I'm a happy man. I mean I REALLY am HAPPY. This point of my life all I do is laugh. Too many people take life too serious. Lets take a minute and CUT IT OUT!!! Relax Relate Release.

Where did "Tha Urban Socialite" Come from?

All I can say is DESTINY.......

Mini Blog: The Dating Game

2010-07-28T20:40:00.000-07:00

Hi my name is Jason. I'm a 27 year old single black male secure and happy with myself but life was meant for 2... I enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, traveling, and my dog.....

LMAO!!!

Yeah right. I enjoy Fine dinning, Credit scores above 720, Property owners, and Range Rovers.

FYI: I'm really not placing a online dating ad, but I came across one that inspired all this. Those things crack me up. U know I don't really believe in online dating.... at least not for me.

Memoirs of a Socialite: Who shot CUPID?

2010-07-23T21:10:00.000-07:00

Am I the only one that's ok with not being in love? I mean what is love? And what the HELL is the big fuss over it? To the point that ur FUCKin obsessing over it? I've been there and ITS OVERRATED!!! I think back and laugh about it now.... but then, this was a kinda of dying to me. Losing the one person I had TRULY loved, and still loved more than anything was unfathomable to me.

I say FUCK it. FUCK finding it, FUCK questioning it, and FUCK obsessing over it. If we spent half the time investing in (and improving) ourselves as we do looking for love how much better would we be as people? I think back to a time when I was actually in love, that's all I thought about. I skipped class for love, left work early for love, missed important events..... LOVE TOOK OVER. What kinda life is that? My relationship went bad for all sorts of reasons, but not because I'm a screwup. I made LOVE the most important part of life..... I lost myself.

Now I know when u read this I'm gonna sound Jaded and bitter. I not!!! I'm far from it. I'm Happy. I mean my life isn't perfect.... BUT ITS MINE. Its not consumed by other things. I'm living it instead of chasing after it... I mean a heart can be broken, but it still keeps beating just the same. Right? Its the only broken instrument that can still work.

So what am I saying? Heartbreaks? U can get over those. But can u really deal with the fact that u spent ur life waiting for this one thing to find u, and in the mean time accomplish nothing? At some point or another life will break ur heart, but u have the ability to mend it. U have the ability and right to live deliberately and joyfully.

U make these decision.....

Memoirs of a Socialite: Random ME!!!

2010-07-16T22:22:00.000-07:00

My life goes in so many different directions....

I am RANDOM!!!

Hello! Nice to meet u.

From what I eat, to the clothes on my back, to the shoes on my FEET (size 17 odd right?).... never "normal." Even when I was growing up.... Its just always been this way. I've always been the odd one. With my siblings I was the short light one..... In school I was the short fat one..... (geeeeez)

But U know what? I'M ME!!!!!!

24/7! 365!

I am exactly who I'm supposed to be.

Its funny because in this stage of my life I still know people trying to FIND THEMSELVES. But I know who Jason is.... I know exactly who I am. What kinda life is that for them tho? To be in your 30's and 40's and not know who u are. The person u've grown up with. YOURSELF!!!! All that time together and U don't know u yet? DAMN SHAME. Like my heart goes out to u. Ur lost in the world with no identity. Just mimicking the identity others have plotted out for u. Ur life sucks. I mean REALLY!!!

Well NO questions here!!! I'm JASON...........

Memoirs of a Socialite: Summer 2010

2010-07-16T07:44:00.000-07:00

I'm havin the time of my life. I've reconnected with old friends. Made new friends. Got rid of so called friends. This summer has been good to me. U know I look back on summers past and I think how many times I miss out on or passed up opportunities to do exactly what I wanted to do for the sake of making others happy. Weather it be a friend or boo. I was the go with the flow kinda guy.

That ship has sailed. I'm 27 single healthy and ready to take the world over. I'm doin exactly what I wanna do. This is MY SUMMER!!! lol @ myself for never being single thru a whole summer before. It is what it is tho.... I wanna travel. I wanna kick it with MY FRIENDS. I wanna do all the things I missed out on. U know what, I think I'm gonna get me a ticket to see the blue man group for my birthday. And Dependin on what time I get outta work today I might just treat myself to movie. U know the ones that no one else wanted to go see with me....

My point is I'm not gonna let life pass me by any longer. Its too short.

Selfish party of one..... Ur table is ready and the view is GREAT.......

Mini Blog: Crush on u

2010-07-16T07:42:00.000-07:00

Am I too old to have a crush? After a certain age is it called sumthin different? Let me know sumthin. I don't wanna be out here lookin foolish....... LMAO

Memoirs of a Socialite: FlashBack

2010-07-09T17:43:00.000-07:00

I thought I was ok.... Realizing I made a mistake. I've been dong some thinking.... Every since I saw u that day.... MAYBE I said somethings I didn't mean trying to change ur ways. But my day ain't the same. Maybe I shoulda stayed. I had a ...... flashback. I really love u. So sad. Thought I was over u. Too fast. I wish I could re-live the past. Baby FLASHBACK. The mistakes u made weren't that bad. Now that I saw u I want u back. I wish I could re-live the past. BaBY flashback.

I wish that I could get back with u now. Don't wanna see another nigga around. All these memories... Thought I had u outta my mind. I keep tryin I keep tryin. And it won't stop... These flashbacks. I don't want that. I just wanna go back where u messed up and erase that. I'm trippin. I'm in a ZONE.... Its nothin but a Flashback. I really love u. So sad. Thought I was over u. Too fast. I wish I could re-live the past. FLASHBACK FLASHBACK. The mistakes u made weren't that bad. Now that I saw u I want u back.. I wish I could re-live the past. BAby FlashBack.

U would call, come pick me up.... Take me somewhere no one knows. Oceans candle lights. Lay me down and take it slow. Unexpected messages just to say "Hey Beautiful"Gave me attention . Made sure that u kept me close...... but its over now. But Its Over Now...

Flashback, I really love u. So sad. Thought I was over u. Too fast. I wish I could re-live the past. Baby flashback. The mistakes u made weren't that bad. Now that I saw u I want u back. I wish I could re-live the past...... baby flashback.............

(.........just Thinkin out loud in my head)

Mini Blog: Dear Hater

2010-07-08T15:24:00.000-07:00

Because I'm grown I can say what I want. I can do what I want. I live my life with no apologies and no regrets. If I'm feelin some kinda way I'mma say it. That's my right. Its called freedom of speech. U may not like everything, but sweetie everything wasn't meant for u anyway.

Memoirs of a Socialite: Where did my BABY Go?

2010-07-07T16:46:00.000-07:00

Do u remember good music? I mean GOOD music. What happened? Music used to be my Homie Lover Friend...... Now its just there. Where did we go wrong? Have u sat and just watched the videos on Mtv or BET? Or just listened to the radio? I mean "Teach me how to Duggie?" What the FUCK are u talking about? Who is Duggie?

Sometimes I wanna sit back and sing to the song..... Or snap my fingers to the beat. I can't right now. I mean this music SUCKS. Don't get me wrong we still got a few cool people: Drake, Nicki Minaj, Jazmine Sullivan, Beyonce (once in a while), John Legend, and of course Janet. But what about some good ol' baby makin music? What if I'm in the mood for a lil Soul? Who do I have besides Jill Scott?

And GOD, Lets not even start in on Hip-Hop. Who ever thought the day would come when Ludacris would have more popular songs then and other Artist on the hip hop charts?

I dare someone to sit thru an hour of radio tomorrow on one station and list out at least 10 good songs. And I'm talkin new stuff not old school.

John Legend said it best:

"Where did my baby go? I wonder where she ran off to. I miss my baby so.... Just what am I supposed to do? Please tell that girl if u meet her, that someones longing to see her. Where did my baby go? I wish that she would get back soon."

I miss u Music...... Come back home.

Memoirs of a Socialite: Designer IMPOSTER

2010-07-03T21:35:00.000-07:00

OK.... Call me what u want but I gotta get this off my chest.

So its the holiday weekend and I'm enjoyin my time with friends and family, when I get this text about an "ex". "I heard ur 'ex' did this and that, said this and that." But wait... WE NEVER DATED!!!

Lets set the record STR8. We've never dated. What we did I would never classify as a relationship. I mean really? Head a couple times in my car.... No romance there. Cut it out. Stop it!!! What are u tyring to do? Gain some type of "clout" in the community by tellin people u "pulled" me. U didn't sweetheart. U were merely something to DO. Literally!!! I mean when it comes to dating I have options. And trust me ur not one of them.....

I know this sounds really mean... But it is what it is. I hate when people feel the need to run around talkin shit behind my back. Then when they see u they don't say two words. Won't part their lips or make eye contact for fear of confrontation. Let it go. Get a life. UR OWN!!! We never dated sweetie. I mean I'm flattered, but I just was never that into U....

Janet Jackson - Discipline

2010-06-30T19:12:00.000-07:00

Mini Blog

2010-06-30T18:49:00.000-07:00

Look..... For the record, I'm STILL SINGLE!!! For everyone that thought or heard or read or whatever else. I am very much SINGLE. And I'm HAPPY!!! That is all

Memoirs of a Socialite: If I had ONE WISH

2010-06-30T18:20:00.000-07:00

U ever wish u could have that one wish granted? If u could, what would it be? I know what mine would be......

I wish I had Grandparents.....

I listen to my friends tell there "Crazy Grandma Stories" and I gotta be honest I get a lil jealous. I mean I can vaguely recall my Grandfathers wooden cane, but my Grandmother is a blur. A mystery even. I remember being in 3rd grade and went around the class telling what we did over the summer. My story because I was the Jason I am..... Hang Gliding with my Grandmother.... Yep! That's what I came up with. (Really Jason? lmao) But I honestly don't remember her at all. It makes me kinda sad. She could have told me about the race riots in Harvey (1969) I mean she lived thru it. My Grandpa could have told me how to shave or the story of how they met, or sumthin.

Now before u start feelin all sorry for me..... I'm not over here cryin my eyes out or nothin like that. I just find myself thinkin sometimes. And this is just one of those thoughts that stick out to me. I sometimes just wonder if they would be proud of me.... Or what?

Memoirs of a Socialite: SHADE......Ok but don't judge.

2010-06-22T20:21:00.000-07:00

I really need to get this of my chest. Ok I know u read my BLOG (thank U). I know u've been readin it for a while and thats cool. I gotta be real honest with u. I have a crush on ur BFF. I mean like a real crush. Like if we would have met sooner I would have never entertained anything with u to begin with. I know this is gonna piss u off but honesty is the best policy right? Well HONESTLY, I want to SMASH ur BFF. Its crazy cuz I can think back to times when we were all together and I would find myself picturing them in ur place. I know I'm wrong but again I'm Being Honest. I'm not gonna say who u are or who they are cuz that would be a mess..... But what I will say is if I weren't a good guy I could have went when I had the chance, but I didn't. UR WELCOME.

Memoirs of a Socialite: Nocturnal Keystrokes...

2010-06-20T21:36:00.000-07:00

I know I'm late..... I've been at work all day then went off the grid for a while to recover from the day. But ANYWAY....

Father's Day:

So I've been getting text messages and emails from "friends" all day wishing me a Happy Fathers Day. Really? U think I have a secret stash of kids somewhere? DUH!!! There isn't. But anyway, Father's Day has never been something I celebrated. I've never looked forward to it, or shopped for it, or even remembered when it was. I mean what would be the point? I never had a father to celebrate this with. I never had anyone teach me how to shave, stand up and piss, tie my shoe but my MOM. Its funny, I sit back and think about how I learned to tie a tie. I learned that from watchin an episode of the "Fresh Prince." Nice right? TV was my daddy, between The Cosby Show and other shows featuring a father that were present..... They raised me. Its kinda sad when U look back on it... ?But it is what it is. Welcome to my reality.

Now this isn't a low blow to anybody out there doin there thing like a Father should. I look up to U guys. I mean if God sees fit for me to every be a father I know I can be better then mine.

Thanx 80's & 90's sitcoms I think I turned out OK

Memoirs of a Socialite: 06-08-2010.... Bittersweet

2010-06-08T20:49:00.000-07:00

Today I'm sad. Its a sadness that leads to uncontrollable crying..... Or blank stares at the ceiling.... Or calls forwarded to VoiceMail. Its one of them days. As much as I held out hope for change.... Reality sets in. I feel like life just crashed in on me a lil bit. I just need to be alone... In a corner of my home reflecting. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. I just want to deal and move on. Move forward. Move past all this.
I'm really not looking forward to Saturday. But I gotta be there for my MAMA.... This is a lot to take on at one time. But I'm gonna be here for here... I'm tired but this is the life of a man I guess

And speaking of being there..... Thank U. U've been there for me the entire time. Beginning to End. I cried in ur ear even when u didn't know I was crying. lol. Thank U. U've really shown me what friendship is about. U know who U are....

Love,

Tha Urban Socialite.......

RIP Dorothy Lewis

Memoirs of a Socialite: Today I just need a HUG

2010-06-04T23:04:00.000-07:00

I'd give anything for someone to just wrap their arms around me and tell me "It'll be ok." I might not believe them but at least it would comfort me for the moment... This has been the longest most emotional day ever. I woke up this morning: Everything was fine. I go to sleep tonight: Aunt is on life support, lost a couple friends, & had a break down at work. Could this day get any worse? I mean..... When it rains it pours ain't even the words to describe it. Who would think the health of a woman I haven't seen in over a year could send my world into a tailspin.

God.... If u hear me. Can U cut me a little slack? I mean I'm tired of the trials and tribulations. I'm sick of the rough side of the Mountain. Can I get over to the other side already? I know I'm not perfect... I might not even deserve a blessing right now..... But can I get it anyway? Lord can U just protect my family and make everything OK again? I don't wanna see my mama hurt over the current status of her oldest sister. I don't wanna feel the emotional woes of life. I wanna smile again. I wanna be HAPPY. I want everything to work out for the better. Is that ok? I think my Aunt has been thru enough and just deserves a HEALING. I'm praying healing over her RIGHT NOW. I'm praying peace in my own life..... For my own situation.

Most of all I'm praying for a HUG. Tell me "It'll be ok."

Memoirs of a Socialite: a letter to THE LIAR

2010-06-02T18:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Liar......

I'm a 27 y/o College Grad, Grad Student, Honor Student, with a good job, a Great set of friends, and Family that loves me. What do u have? EXACTLY...... NOTHING!!! I get y u would hate on me to the point that u'd make up things about me. At the end of the day ur a very sad person that lives a very sad life. U have nothing, U are nothing, and U'll always be nothing. I feel so sorry for u. Ur life must suck a whole hell of a lot to come around after all this time and attempt to kick up some shit. Is this what it takes to give ur life some type of excitement? Thats too bad. Y not spend some of this time becoming something more then the second shift FRY COOK? I see y my life is so amazing to u...... I'm a fuckin ROCK STAR compared to u.

U hoez really get me. I mean really. U really think after all the shit that went on between us we could be friends? I mean u stole from me, u pawned my shit, used me, not to mention all the mental BULLSHIT. U must be out ya mutha fuckin mind........ This is gonna sound real mean... and I know it will but if I saw u homeless on the streets I wouldn't spit in ur direction. That's how I feel about u. U made my life HELL.... I had to start all over because of U. Rebuild friendships, mend relationships, I had to learn how to trust. All because of the FAT FRY COOK. Then u turn around and friend request me on FB..... U really think so? Cut it out.

Let me tell u this last thing..... Take care of home. Before u get so wrapped up in my business, get ur own shit together. While U all over there playin house wife.... Ur in it all alone U dumb FUCK. Don't believe me? Check those text messages. I know I've seen them. Maybe u should too. Callin me for relationship advice? U think I give 2 shits if y'all make it til tomorrow let alone next year. GET REAL!!!

Love Always,

Jason A. Curry, I

Memoirs of a Socialite: Online Dating 101

2010-06-01T19:44:00.000-07:00

Yeah I said it..... ONLINE DATING!!!! Y'all out there doin it but everybody runnin around like "Not ME!" So lets talk about it. I wanna know what your experiences are. What happened? What did u like? What didn't u like? What happened?

I'll start:

I've tried online dating before.... With NO SUCCESS!!! Now don't get me wrong, I've come across some really cool people in my time but as far as meeting the one or getting close to the one.... NOT SO MUCH. But I know people that swear by it. Like the only way they'll date is if its thru the computer. I guess.

I just like to date that's all. I like to get OUT and meet people. I don't judge.... To each its own.

Sidebar:

There are some REALLY UGLY PEOPLE online. And they are BOLD. I mean BOLD. Look at me... Then look at u. U think U have a chance? Come on now. I haven't hit ROCK BOTTOM. Thirsty ASSES!!!!! Ewwwwww

Memoirs of a Socialite: I'm just not that into U, But ur just not that into ME

2010-05-26T13:21:00.000-07:00

Random thought:

U ever meet someone that ur really into, but they're not into u the same way? Or at least they don't show it the way u try to. I mean if I know someone is feelin me I try to be nice and feel things out.. Who knows maybe it could grow into something? But if I'm not feelin it.... then I'm not feelin it. And I'm upfront and honest about it. I'll tell u how I feel about u, or that I'm not feelin u.

But y is it never the same in return? I gotta wonder what went wrong, or did I do sumthin? I'm not losin no sleep over know of these clowns out here. But at the same time..... We all grown. If u not feelin me (even tho I don't know y u wouldn't be... lol) say so. Where is the harm in good ol' honesty? I'mma Bigg Boi (6'4" 260lbs) I can take it.

Anybody that really knows me.... knows u can't keep me down long. I pick myself up... Dust myself off.... AND KEEP IT THE FUCK MOVING.

If u didn't know, GOOGLE ME BITCH!!!!

Memoirs of a Socialite: I was born a SOCIALITE

2010-05-24T07:56:00.000-07:00

Who is Tha Urban Socialite? I mean who is he? Where did he come from?

Well I'm the 3rd of four children..... one of the middle ones. Born to a young insurance worker (now turned Bible Beater) and young truck driving, police academy failing, postal working, whore (now turned retired whore). I'm from a very small town in Illinois. So small they don't even have their own zip code. My Oldest sister is a Stay at home Mom, my baby brother is a Ball player, and the other middle baby..... She's my Twin. Side note: "HEY TWIN!!!" Anyway, I was brought up in a very religious household.... well the kinda religious household that still drank and smoked cigarettes. LOL

U know its funny.... even with 4 kids and a handful of various pets.... Dogs, turtles, fish, Ginnie pig... I never really had to search for my identity. I've always had some idea of who I am. I mean sure I've refined my image over time but I always knew who I was. Through all the fads and all the trends I never lost JASON.... THA URBAN SOCIALITE. People have often asked me how did u become a "socialite?" Its quite simple. DESTINY!!! I was born into this. I mean a kid from a small town with a shared zip code is destine to be something.....

Its funny that the same people asking me about that are the same ones that keep my name in the streets..... "U know I seen Jason at the park with so-n-so." "U know him and whats-a-name broke up." "U know he related to Ol' Boy." "He think he all that in them LV glasses.... oh DAMN he wearin LV shoes too." I can't do anything but laugh at this. Who knew my business would be so popular. I mean THANK U. Thanx for keepin the buzz goin. Thanx for the motivation and the hate. I wouldn't be who I am without u my FANS.

U KNOW WHO U ARE...........

Memoirs of a Socialite: Inner Freak

2010-05-23T09:46:00.000-07:00

U know..... I know I swore off sex (at least for now). But that doesn't mean I do think about it. OH GOD do I think about it. I mean I'm laying here in the bed taking in this wonderful Sunday breeze thinking about Making love..... How it would feel..... This time. Will it be any different? I wanna.....

I wanna make love under the night sky. I wanna feel the moon under our sheets..... We're floating so high I swear that we are soaring. I wanna SOAR with U. We can GLOW together....

There are so many things we can do......

I wanna feel the stars in the room...... As I feel ur UNIVERSE around me.....

Memoirs of a Socialite: Coming into Reality

2010-05-22T01:24:00.000-07:00

U know I finally came into my REALITY...... Its kinda scary because I feel like I've been searching for these answers to very personal questions about myself..... And I feel like I've finally figured some stuff out. My reality is that I'm filled with RESENTMENT. Not the most healthy thing in the world but it's true. This is very new for me, and I'm still in the process of figuring it out. But what I do know is that There is definitely some resentment there. Y? Its simple. Its all wrapped around LOVE. The many people that have "LOVED" me in my life have left me. I'm talking much more than Lovers..... I mean Friends, Family, & various loved ones. At some point or another I've been left feeling very alone.

Now don't get me wrong.... There are a few people in my life that not only love me, but they show it often. My problem comes in.... the fact that in my world u have to prove it to me. There are various hoops U have to jump thru for me to trust in the fact that U really LOVE ME. I'm not sure at what point this whole thing started for me.... And I know its not fair. I mean who really does that? But It is what it is... at least for now.

I kinda hate the fact that this is my REALITY but I'm not sure how to go about changing things. I'm not sure how to drop this guard I have. I don't know how to tear down these walls I've built. I mean honestly.... Every time someone tells me they love me I get nervous. Who knew a four letter word would cause so much anxiety? U should see it.... Like u really have to witness this one. I literally start to sweat at the mention of the word, then I nervously laugh myself outta the situation. "HAAA No U don't." This is my usual reply. Sad? I know. But again this is my REALITY. I wanna work on it. I wanna be able to hug my friends and tell them I love them, I wanna kiss my Mom on the cheek and tell her I love her. I want to wake up in love. When I'm asked "Do u love me yet?" before we hang up the phone I wanna be able to say "YES DAMNIT!!!!" I wanna see my forever with U, but I have to get this together first.

This is no way to live. But at least I'm honest and open enough to admit to my issues. What about U?

Memoirs of a Socialite: One of them DAYZ

2010-05-19T19:22:00.000-07:00

Its not the being by myself that's the problem...... Its the being alone. Its spring time and love is definitely in the air..... At least for some. For others...... well we get the blockbuster nights or the 5th wheel invites to tag along. If we're really lucky we get to listen to our friends on the other end of the phone as they go on and on about their love..... As we secretly picture it with our head on their body. I hope I'm not alone in this..... If I am then that's just sad.... LOL.

U know its funny because I love my life. I just hate the loneliness factor. I love what I do. I love that I'm about to graduate. I love the steady climb my life has taken. I just wish my personal life would catch up. I would love to have someone to share in this with me. Not just anyone, but the ONE. Everything really seems to be falling into place but this one minor thing. I gotta get it together......

CocoRosie - By Your Side

2010-05-19T19:14:00.000-07:00

Mini Blog: Happy Birthday Boo!!!

2010-05-16T22:06:00.001-07:00

Pay attention people. This is what 44 should look like....

Memoirs of a Socialite: In HEAT again!!!

2010-05-15T22:38:00.000-07:00

I feel so alive. It won't last all night....But that's alright.

Fleeting joy drenched in sin, here it cums AGAIN!!!

Sneaking fruit from the forbidden tree, that sweet taste of Ecstasy.

Next time the same hotel?

That familiar smell, we both know so well.

I know we said that this would end.....But here we go AGAIN.

This cycle never ends.

Each time I flashback to when u put that spell on me.

Damn U feel good as hell to Me.

Each time I feel so drawn to U.

How could this be wrong to do?

I know I said it would end.... But here we go AGAIN

Memoirs of a Socialite: my HEART is tucked away in my SOCK

2010-05-11T10:33:00.000-07:00

What does it really mean to wear ur HEART on ur sleeve? Is that a fashion statement... or is it something more? Do I wear my heart on my sleeve? What DOES THAT MEAN? Hold on.... I'mma google it. . . . . . . .

OH!!! I get it . So it just showing ur emotions. I get it. But I don't think that's me. Matter fact I'd say I was quite the opposite. I think I wear my heart in my pocket, or folded up and tucked in my sock like the last few dollars we would hang on to as kids. LOL.

Like I feel a lot, u would just never know it. There are some many thoughts and feelings that go thru my head on a regular. U have no idea. I just don't know how to show them. I guess it comes from all the shit I been thru. To be honest I'm surprised I still feel anything at all.

I've been thru a lot in this past 27 years. My life is FULL. From single parenting to abusive relationships.... I've seen more than most people ever will. Maybe that y my HEART is tucked away in my SOCK. It seems like every time I bring it out it gets a lil more damaged. Its like having a glass action figure as a kid..... Its beautiful and rare. U wanna show it off to the world, but every time u do.... It gets more and more chipped and a little more cracked. I wanna show off what I have, but I'm running out band-aids.

Memoirs of a Socialite: Mistaken Identity

2010-05-06T08:14:00.000-07:00

So I woke up this morning a lil pissed off. Not mad because I woke up...... just a lil mad I couldn't sleep in. But anyway, I go thru my daily routine: lay there knowin I have to pee.... lol, finally goin to the bathroom, back in the bed, then check my email. This is my normal morning activity. This morning was kinda different. My inbox was on FIRE: FB friend request, group project email, ........ and a letter. So of course I go str8 to the letter. I mean I don't recognize the email address the subject is REAL TALK so of course I feel like I need to see whats this letter is about. When I say this letter rocked my world........

PhattyGirl68: A my nikka real talk u fuckin one of my friends on a regular but what u don't know is they are HIV POZ and also tested POZ for a few STD's. Now I'm not about to bust my friend out and say they name but they told me yall been fuckin RAW without condoms...... Do U man. Just be careful homie. Folks don't care who they infect these days. In case u think I'm lying I stay in Chicago just outta town in Texas for a vacation right now. Yall pretty nikkas all the same. Yall always go for the slim sexy type with the PHAT ASS. They are the ones givin away the package like a muthafucka. YO just be careful. I know u fucked my friend at least 5 times and they never once told u about they status. They are 20 y/o with big pretty lips. Thats the only hint I'mma give u FAM.......

Now ok I'm not gonna lie when I saw this the first thing I thought about was my past sexual history. I mean who wouldn't. But then I had to stop and check myself. #1 I don't fuck with 20 y/o NOTHING!!!!! Not at all my type. I like old money. #2 over 5 times would be too much like a commitment..... NOT ME!!!! #3 I'm celibate. Have been for a while now. #4 I really don't have sex outside of relationships. I don't have the time or energy.... lol.

The point I'm trying to make is if ur gonna come at my head.... If u think I'm a HOE.... If u worried about what I'm doing.... STOP!!!! Cuz in the end ur the one that ends up lookin a fool not me. I know me. I know what I do, and who I do it with. I'm not worried. I protect myself. So cut this petty ELEMENTARY SCHOOL BULLSHIT OUT!!!!

Part nine coming SOON!!!

All I - Jill Scott

2010-05-03T20:27:00.000-07:00

Memoirs of a Socialite: Crush on U

2010-05-03T19:49:00.000-07:00

Ok.... I like u. But I don't like u like u. Ur cool and we have fun when we hang out. But I don't think we like each other the same way. This is the story of my life. I know I'm not the only one thats been thru that.... But what do u do with that? When U like someone enough but clearly not as much as they like u. I mean GEEEEEEEZ!!!!!

Has anyone seen an episode of "What Chilli Wants?" Evonne is the one that turned me on to VH-1 and there countless hours of reality tv programming. So I watched this show and I think this girl is NUTZ. She has this list of things she wants and needs. This list gets pretty direct tho. "No eating Pork!" 4 REAL???? I mean who on EARTH is that picky?

ME!!!!!

Its sounds crazy but that's how I feel. Not to sound like I'm bragging but when people show interest in me..... I tear them apart. What I like about them. What I don't like. From Teeth to Hair to Shoes. Am I too picky? Thinking back to the ex's... HELL maybe I wasn't picky enough. But is it wrong to want to find someone: cute, funny, sexy, employed, with a car, that loves the Lord, likes going on dates, not cheap, good in bed..... GREAT IN BED, not too dependent, not too independent... lol, loves love, not too many kids, gets along with my friends, loves to travel, not gonna pressure me into a 6pack, loves them some JASON, can cook, likes cartoons, can handle my mood swings, down to earth, likes fun, drinks (but not too much)...... That's not asking a lot is it? I mean I'm just saying. This person right here is the person I have a crush on.

God I sound just like Chilli. This is gonna be a long 2010.

Shout OUT: Mini Blog

2010-05-03T19:04:00.000-07:00

I just had to take a lil time out to thank everyone that takes time out of their day to read my lil blog. My lil random rants...... Thank U guys.

I Luv U all.....

Memoirs of a Socialite: Star* 69 (Erotica)

2010-05-01T23:35:00.000-07:00

..... TONIGHT I dreamt of U. In my dream we "CONNECTED." Over the phone. U were over there, and I was over here. The things I said to u.... Still play back in my mind.

If I take U from BEHIND
Push MYSELF into ur mind
When u least expect IT
Will u try and REJECT it
If I'm in CHARGE and I treat u like a CHILD
Will u let urself go WILD
Let my MOUTH go where it WANTS TOO........

Once u put ur hand into the FLAME
U can NEVER be the same
There's a certain SATISFACTION
In a little bit of PAIN
I can tell that ur the SAME
If ur AFRAID, well rise again
I only hurt the ones I LOVE

I don't think U know what PAIN is
I don't think U've gone THAT way
I could bring u so much PLEASURE
I'll CUM to u when u say
I know u want ME
I'm not gonna HURT u
I'm NOT gonna hurt u
just CLOSE ur eyes......

...... Then I woke up.

Memoirs of a Socialite: Its just those Rainy Dayz

2010-04-30T22:23:00.000-07:00

Hmmmmm..... Today I missed u. (FYI:I'm not talking about U) Not u so much as I missed the idea of u. At least the u I created in my head. In my mind ur are Everything. But in reality its just me. Sitting here on a Friday evening in the bed watching Cartoon Network without u. I'm sure I'll get passed it... but just right now I miss it. I try to talk to my friends about U but how can I speak on something I don't really understand. So I just watch Cartoon Network. Alone. Without U. I think its this weather that has U on my mind. That kinda warm spring evening with the rain. Sky full of nature sounds and scents. Yep days like these make me want u more. Make me wish I could go back to the first time I met u..... Lock U up and never let u go. Rainy days will do that to u I guess. This weather brings out the romance. DAMN RAIN!!! But it is what it is.

There was a time I would have done anything to be with u, around u, for just one second. Those days are long gone. These days I just don't trust u.... Don't like u.... And could really give a fuck less about what ur doing right now. (Its still not about U) But even with all that I MISS U!!! I wish that could get back with U. But I won't, I can't. Not now.....Its just too soon. I wanna be perfect next time we meet. I wanna deserve it all.

Just in case u all haven't figured out by now.... I'm not talking about someone. I'm talking about something. LOVE. That feeling u get when u wake up in the morning still in each others arms. Or how u feel when U get the "I was just thinkin bout u" text message mid afternoon while going thru at work. That's what I'm talkin about. Oh how nice it would be to sift thru the bullshit of life to get back to that point again. One day!!! But until then, I'll just be sitting here with my Cartoon Network and catch up on some much needed rest.

Memoirs of a Socialite: Papa was a Rollin Stone

2010-04-26T14:19:00.000-07:00

U know the funniest story I can think to tell u about me is the fact that my Brother, Sister, and I are all the same age born in the same year (and we're not triplets). LMAO..... This didn't sound weird to me for a long time. I guess til my teens, when people would actually look at me funny and judge. But who cares....

ANYWAY!!!!

My father is a very selfish man. Since I could remember he only did things to benefit himself. Still the same exact way in 2010. Funny to me..... I mean U would think that we change as we get older. I mean I did. But I could be wrong. So what do U say about a man that's done nothing for u ur whole life? I say thank U. The best thing he could have ever done for me was not be there. Its this single action that has shaped me into the person I am today. Now, I'm not like most people out here with "daddy issues." Matter fact I don't have issues with him at all. I don't blame my short comings on the fact that he wasn't there. I blame falling short in whatever area on myself cuz I was LAZY. I did that. What he did for me was forced me to grow up and be a MAN, not sit around looking for a handout.

I'll say another thing he did for me is helped produce my Best Friends: Beth, Nicole, and Eddy.

Now I hope u all don't take this as me Bashing this man. I'm just talking about what I know. Its crazy to me to think that in almost 28 years I know nothing about him. I mean his favorite food, color, movies.... I know nothing. Kinda sad huh? Yep I thought so too. It is what it is at this point. I mean.... I'm too older for a father now. Everything I needed I got from my Mom. We can still be cool tho. Kick it. Go out to eat or something. But that's about it. I don't need the Father son talks....... I'm good!!!! lol.

FYI: Mini blog

2010-04-26T09:55:00.000-07:00

U know.... I don't know y it matters, but it does for some strange reason. U didn't dump me. I dumped u. I know u tell the story your way to your friends.... But I tell the truth.

Fantasia - Control Freak (New Music 2010)

2010-04-26T08:21:00.000-07:00

Foto Magik pt2

2010-04-23T00:01:00.001-07:00

Memoirs of a Socialite: Ex Factor

2010-04-22T22:33:00.000-07:00

So the other day I talked to someone I dated years ago..... It was cool to kinda catch up and talk as friends given the relationship we had. In this phone call they shared that they read my blog often..... This kinda shocked me. I never really set out to have a following with this thing, just an outlet really. So I had to ask.... "what do u think?" "Its really cool..... But u talk about dating a whole lot." Its this one thing that stuck out in my head. Out of everything we talked about, and we talked about a lot, this one thought rattled around in my mind.

So y do I talk talk about dating so much? This was my thought for a while....... Then it really just came to me. I'm one of those people that has to understand something. I have to ask questions until I can really make sense of it all. I want to understand it all so I can learn from it and apply what I've learned to real life. So ok...... I get it. I want to understand how I can be "such a great catch" yet nobody has scooped me up and kept it goin. Now with this epiphany came more searching. So what I thought I would do is a little compare and contrast of the past. Who I dated..... who they were.... the good the bad and the ugly. Now I know opening this can of worms will be followed by some attitudes, phone calls, text messages..... But it is what it is.

2001: The Virgin Dater!

This was someone who has become one of my nearest and dearest friends. This was my first attempt at a "Grow up" relationship. Now I stress the friendship.... because the relationship was so BAD!!! lol. It was like dating a homie. We lived in 2 different states, never saw each other, had really good phone conversations..... but it was something missing. We laugh about it now, but what were we doing? I mean REALLY!!!

2002: The Serial Bed Hopper!

Young and Inexperienced. What did I do next? Started dating a Hoe. I mean a HOE!!! I don't know to this day how many times I was cheated on. I mean at 20 years old, you can't even kick it with the person ur dating..... So what do u do? Sit at home and wait til the club closes (maybe I'd get a phone call, maybe not).

2003: The Busy Business Professional

at 20 going on 21 I thought it was so cool meeting a professional that wanted to be with me. ME? I work in customer service part-time, with no college degree. Are u sure ur lookin at me? Well it was me. Surprisingly this was one of the best relationships I've had..... when there was time for it. It was equal parts of fun & lonely. I traveled the country as the young show piece.... I was arm candy. The friends liked me.... cuz I was cute. They didn't respect my opinions, views on issues.... but I was CUTE!!! It ended, but we were able to be cool. We can trade advice now on money issues, relationships, careers..... I mean I'm still cute but at least I have an opinion that matters now.

2004: The LIAR

Now this one was a FOOL. This is probably the single STUPIDEST thing I've done. I traded down big time. And boy did I pay for that mistake. This relationship ended up with me leaving my family and friends behind, relocating across the country, falling into the deepest depression I've ever experienced as an adult, and flirting with alcoholism. This one was so bad that there are people to this day that don't know the details of it. I mean some of this stuff I've locked away in a box and dumped it in Lake Michigan. This was a hard one. At one point I wasn't sure if I'd make it out of it. Honestly I thought one of us would end up in JAIL or dead.

2006: The Minister of Confusion

Now this one really started out on a very high note. We were really in love. I mean a love that grew from a great friendship. There's nothing like finding someone that u love, the family loves, the friends love..... The scary part came in with the fact that they didn't really love themselves. I mean if ur unhappy with who u are, how can u be happy with who WE ARE? We had potential but their family overruled us. And to make a bad situation worst.... What would have been our 4 year anniversary, became their wedding date. CLASSY RIGHT?

2007: The Unsure Dreamer

I'm not sure how this one even happened. I mean I was single.... and we just kinda fell into this one. This relationship was so rocky. We couldn't even agree on dinner..... lol

2008: The Starving Artist

Now this is where things really get crazy. In the beginning, we both expressed how happy we were with life as it was. We were both in no hurry to be in a relationship. We both agreed that the single life was a good life to live. But thru multiple dates, phone calls, and text message things happened. Feelings grew..... So what else do u do besides date right? Then came love.... Then came reality. And the reality was we didn't work out at all. It was almost like we lived on 2 separate Earths. In my world we paid bills on time, worked hard and got promoted regularly, went to school, graduated.... and on and on. While on the other Earth they partied a lot, drank daily, smoked often, and barely worked. Who knew this great person from the beginning was really like this? Now there lived a great talent in there, but it was overshadowed by fear of rejection. So that's that..... One person ended up being a different.

SO that's my dating record in a nut shell. Thru it all I eventually wanna get back out there and do it all over again. NOT RIGHT NOW THO!!!!! I'm good. LMAO

Memoirs of a Socialite: The case of the FAKE PEOPLE

2010-04-18T09:07:00.000-07:00

Its funny..... Since I've been on FaceBook I've been able to connect with people I haven't seen in years. I mean people I haven't talked to in at least 5-10 YEARS. Kinda cool I thought.... The funny part comes in when the "others" pop their heads up.. We all have a group of the "others." U know that group of people that could really give a fuck about u...... BUT STILL wants to know whats going on with U. I mean its like.... Y do u care? Does ur life really suck that bad that U gotta find out whats new in CURRY LAND? I mean get over it and get a life please!!!

So where is all this coming from? I'm glad u asked...... (lol) So yesterday I get an alert on my Blackberry about a friend request on Facebook. Big deal I thought.... I mean I get them all the time. But this one was kinda weird. It was from some middle aged lady. The first thing I could think of is "WHO IN THE HELL?" Right? Cuz wouldn't u? I mean I'm 27..... What or who do we have in common? So I look at the mutual friends.....One is a business contact.... The other is a family friend/shit starter..... So I go to the family MOUTH PIECE (Hey Sis-in-Law). lol. "Patrice who the hell is this?" (SIDEBAR: For those of u who have never met my Sister in Law...... she's about 3 feet tall, with the biggest attitude u will ever meet. And that's y I love her.) Anyway.... she knows right away who this cougar is..... I use the term cougar loosely because it has a bit of sexy attached to it..... And she was POPPED!!!!!

Now y would she friend request me? What do we have to talk about? The word? Politics? Dancing with the Stars? GURL..... Get a life. U want me to be ur FB friend because U want to attach urself to anything CURRY. Cut it out. U could care less about me. U just wanna figure out who I am and how I tie into this soap opera u've created in ur mind. Ma'am..... I DON'T!!!! This kinda goes for everyone else to. This whole I wanna know whats going on with Jason just for the sake of being in the loop is a fool. I mean..... y not apply that energy into something a little more important? If I get another friend request from a Middle Aged Stalker, Ex's Ex, Ex's Current, Fathers Ex...... Any of that..... I'm going OFF!!!!

Good day all....

Pt 3 coming soon.

Memoirs of a Socialite: Reflection

2010-04-15T13:48:00.000-07:00

So I had this idea to make this blog a little more personal. My idea is to document my life BIGG and small. To share my journey with everyone. I'm sure some people won't care. And to them I say..... GET THE FUCK OFF MY BLOG. LMAO!!!!

So I find myself lately doing a lot of reflecting on the past. Good and bad. Things I handled well, as well as my short comings. I'm trying to learn from experiences and move forward. From the outside looking in my life seens great. I have a great family: 2 Sisters 1 Brother that I'd walk across hot coals and broken glass for. A loving mother..... She's not perfect but she's MINE!!! A great group of friends.... Shout out to the "Miss Honey" Crew. But theres this one element I always seem to miss out on. A partner. A lover. A Boo. Whatever u wanna call it, it's not there.

Its funny, My sis Nicole and I just had this convo about getting Boo's. Well where the hell are they? Eddy's Married with kids. Beth's minutes away from jumping the broom. I want to settle down too. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not rushing anything. I don't want any kids so I don't have to worry about getting too old to make that happen. But want I want is to kick back on the couch with my head in my Baby's lap, while we watch some scary movie and the play in my braids. That's how I wanna end my day. I keep hearing John Legend in my head "Where did my baby go? I wonder where she ran off to. I miss my baby so. I'm calling but I can't get thru. Please tell that girl if u meet her, that someones longing to see her."

I mean Who ever thought that the absence of one person in your life could leave so much emptiness in ur heart. I wanna love and be loved in return. I want to want and be wanted in return. I want to feel and be felt in return. I want love. I'm trying to wait patiently, and so far I thing I've done a good job. But I'm not sure what the hell CUPID is waiting on, but it better be GOOD. Again, I feel like I have to repeat this. I' m HAPPY. I'm about to Graduate. I'm successful in my career. Happy in my social life. I just wanna share that with someone.

That's all.

Pt 2 coming soon........

Foto Magik

2010-04-06T20:56:00.000-07:00

The Most Followed Man of 2010

2010-04-05T17:55:00.000-07:00

So ok.... My friends that know me really well know that I can occasionally appoint myself with a new title. LOL.... I mean Y not? I like to think of them as the names of the ordinary people.... in my head. LOL

"Tha Urban Socialite"

Who is Tha Urban Socialite? He's fun. The life of the party. The first one U call when ur lookin for a good time. Thats him in a nutshell. Oh and he DRINKS HEAVILY!!!!! LOL

"The New Twitter"

Y The New Twitter? This one is funny. It seems like in that last 6 months or so I've gained a lot of fans, followers, stalkers..... whatever u wanna call them.. Either way people been all in my business. LOL. Talkin about it to each other. Postin shit online. Text, phone calls, whatever they can get to. I mean thats fine. If u need something to talk about.... If ur life sucks that bad. FOLLOW ME!!!! But just understand what ur gettin into. OK?

"Jairok"

Jairok is a lover. He's the one u wanna date. He's the one that holds the door open for u. He's the one that pulls ur chair out for u. He's a gentleman. Gentle Giant even. He's a pretty nice guy. Romance and relationships are his thing.

S.E.X.

2010-04-02T22:57:00.000-07:00

I love SEX.... Like I mean I REALLY LOVE SEX. But is there something wrong with doing it with someone ur into? People act like I'm some freak show when I say I'm not on the sex thing right now...... Maybe I should say I'm not into diseases. I'm not into to hoes. Maybe then they'll get my point.I mean I WANT TO HAVE SEX SOOOOOOO BAD!!!!! But I don't wanna just do some type of random, we only know each other by our screen name, we can't kiss, no stayin the night hook up. I mean how good can that type of sex be anyway? I want to FEEL things I've never felt before. So I guess I'm just OFF SEX for a while. That sucks......... lol

Continued.....

2010-04-01T21:27:00.000-07:00

OK.... Yesterday I got too sleepy to finish my thoughts. I didn't want to start talkin in circles so I just quit. lol

ANYWAY!!!! So I think I'm a pretty good guy, a great catch even. (if I do say so myself.... lol) Being this great guy, I get confused to y I always turn up short in the romance department.... Y can't I find a long lasting love.... a relationship that is strong and steady. I get to that 1 1/2 year mark and, tho the stories may be different, Its always the same outcome every time. Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? I mean I need to know. This is really gettin outta hand. I don't wanna end up alone and lonely...... livin with CATS for the rest of my life or something.

Its so funny..... Without sounding too cocky, I have people hit me up all the time and ask me "y are u still single?" HELL.... I wish I knew. I wish I could see what exactly is going wrong before it happens, just to keep things on track for once. I mean its crazy, I feel like I'm living a double life. On one hand U have the Jason that everyone knows and loves.... That fun loving care free guy. Loves to eat drink and be merry. But on the other hand u have that Jason that secretly longs for romance and love.... That fights off loneliness and tears daily. That Jason that wants nothing more than to celebrate 5... 10... 15... 20 years with someone. Its crazy to me because most people my age just aren't looking for that. Most young Black 20 something dudes out here are chasing whatever they can fuck on the first night.

Here I am..... alone. In my room. By myself. Wondering what when wrong with who? Whose fault it was? Can it be revisited? Repaired?

I really am looking for answers to this. Its not too often I get this heavy in a post.... but I'm serious. Y can't I be happy and share that happiness with someone special? I'm tired of getting to know people. I'm tired of dating for the sake of dating. I'm tired of one night stands, casual encounters, unanswered phone calls, liars, cheaters, heart break, pain, loneliness. I'm sick of this shit.

..... I missed U TODAY

2010-03-31T23:05:00.000-07:00

Ok..... So I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels this way. I'm tired of being lonely. Like enough is enough. I would have never guessed this is how life would turn out for me. How many times can u get to know someone? How many times can u exchange numbers? How many first dates do I have to go on? I mean really.......... TO BE CONTINUED

"The Break-up"

2010-03-18T16:46:00.000-07:00

So OK..... I'm not gonna go into details. But when its over, Its just over. lol. I'm not sure what else I'm supposed to say about that. I mean really.... SO. It didn't work out the way u wanted it too.... SO WHAT!!!

I'm BLESSED!!!!

2010-03-07T20:15:00.000-08:00

You have what you need to be happy, you just haven't realized it yet. We spend so much time complaining about our jobs, our relationships, our cars....... How lucky are you that you get to wake up and go to work? How blessed are you to be in a relationship with a person that loves you? How undeserving are you of that car, yet u still have it.

We need to change our outlook on things. I'm blessed beyond belief, because I choose my outlook on life. We need to realize how much worse it could be and then take a minute and CELEBRATE WHAT WE HAVE RIGHT NOW!!!

I'm BLESSED!!!!

Peace/Freedom

2010-02-23T22:03:00.000-08:00

U know.....
I'm feeling poetic
Like poetry should be
Dripping from my lips
Streaming from my finger tips.
But where do I Begin?
Where do I end?
There's so much to be said,
for not saying anything

PEACE
Lets talk peace
PLEASE?

The peace that passes all understanding.
Can I get some of that?
Please?
Just a moment of.......
PEACE!!!
Peace be Still.
PLEASE?

There's nowhere I can find peace.
The harvest of my dreams.
I want to be free.
..... But U won't let me.

Fashion Victims

2010-02-19T22:14:00.000-08:00

Ok.... Just for a minute I have to touch on it.

SHOUT OUT TO THE FASHION VICTIMS.

I feel like u people give me purpose at times. I mean I feel a certain civic responsibility to discuss what ur wearing, and y. lol.

The "Over Doin it" ones: U people are so serious about what ur doin. I mean u take hours to get ready, u create ur own uproar of sorts over what ur gonna be doin. I'm all for puttin in time to look nice, but are u for real? I mean SERIOUSLY!!!! Cut it out. Sure we're waitin to see what ur wearin next...... THATS BECAUSE WE ARE ALL SECRETLY TALKIN BEHIND UR BACK...... DUH!!!!

The "I Just don't Give a F**k" ones: It shows. U just look like u gave up. U care. Everyone cares. But the difference between u and them is that U quit mid way thru. I'm just sayin. U can take an extra step to match ur shoes to ur shirt. U can IRON!!! U can comb ur hair. U can coordinate ur clothes so that we aren't all staring. Cuz if u don't we will be.

I'm not sayin I'm perfect, but what I am sayin is I try. I put forth an effort. I have good looks and bad ones. But I learn from my mistakes and keep it movin. Fashion is a constantly evolving Monster. We gotta keep up with the times. Or at least look good tryin.

Come on People. IT'S 2010.

HangOver Blues.......

2010-02-18T17:21:00.000-08:00

U know I was thinkin.... Y do we do it to ourselves? Y do we drink to the point that its just not fun anymore? Or to the point that we black out and wake up Naked in the Bathroom floor of a hotel room..... DON'T JUDGE!!!!! Y? Given all the scientific information and studies out there regarding the long term affects of drinkin..... Y do we still do it to the degree that we can hardly function the next morning?

Are u having fun throwing up? Are u enjoying that headache? I just never understood that. Like..... I like to party, I mean I REALLY LIKE TO PARTY. But to the point that u have to get dragged out of somewhere or ur callin off work. Fun shouldn't affect ur life, especially ur professional life. Who does that?

Ok..... what about drinking at home alone? Is that ok? I'm not talking a cocktail. I'm talking about getting FUCKED UP..... alone tho! Is that cool? I never thought so. I mean I don't judge, to each his own, but to me there's some deeper issues there when u plan to sit at home ALONE for the EVENING and just get drunk. That's Alcoholic soundin ain't it? I just want someone to let me know cuz I just don't get it. I can't see sittin in the house just drinkin. Then what?

..... OK after all my rambling I think what I'm gonna do is stop drinkin. At least for a while. I think We make alcohol so much more important to a good time than it really is. So as of March 1st I'm not drinknin for a while. We'll see how long this last. I just wanna test it out.

Family.....

2010-02-15T00:40:00.000-08:00

Family can really shock the shit outta u. Its crazy. Right? Who would have thought that the 4 of us would be the same (maybe even a little better)? I love it.

Eddy

Beth

Nicole

I love u guys. I really do

Funny how time Flies.....

2010-02-07T00:59:00.000-08:00

Have u ever paid attention to how much things change in a YEAR?

Crazy.... Right?

..... Hmmm Whats to come?

2010-02-04T09:02:00.000-08:00

U know... for some reason I'm just not feeling 2010. U know usually a new year means new adventures, new starts, new beginnings. This one for me hasn't been so new and exciting. Its been more aggravating.

A continued fight with an old friend

A new fight with an old friend.... lol

Falling out over MONEY.

More work.

Less Jason time.

A relationship on the fence.

I'm not sure whats u got in store for me 2010, but it better be good BITCH. Cuz I'm tired already. If this is how this year is gonna go can I have 2009 back please? She was a little boring, but she had waaaaaay less drama.

I'm in Charge of Tha Girls!!!!!

2010-01-28T09:03:00.000-08:00

BEST FRIEND BLOG

2010-01-27T22:00:00.000-08:00

I really need to take some time out to shout out my friends. I mean the DIE HARD, DOWN FOR WHATEVER friends. Now I guess I should talk about my sisters.

Beth, Charisse, & Nicole are my right and left hands. They really hold me down. I mean I couldn't ask for a better set of sisters. They love me no matter what. Have never judged me. They just have my back.

Then there is Weezie. I don't know what to say about her. She's just great. Just a great person. Thats my Backbone.

Andrew..... "I'mma a Diva..... I'mma I'mma a Diva!!!" U gotta love this boy/homegirl (lol) here. This man here probably knows EVERYTHING about me. Down to the color underwear i wear (when I wear them).

Alvin..... He's the same as Andrew, just with less pink. LOL!!! Those two together are my support..... My legs I'd say.

Oh GOD!!!! EVONNE & ALLISHIA...... "Who's in charge of the girls? I'm in CHARGE of the GIRLS" Those 2 together have gotten me thru anything from failed relationships to long days at work. These are my girls. My funny bones.

These Guys I wouldn't trade for the world. I love them all. I couldn't buy a better bunch of people.

2009 rewind.......

2010-01-05T21:19:00.000-08:00

What happened last year? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

January:
nothing

February:
nothing

March:
nothing

April:
Christopher Michael Alexander Curry

May:
Sean Hill

June:
nothing

July:
nothing

August:
NEW JOB (PRAISE GOD)
My Birthday/Party

September:
Nothing

October:
Nothing

November:
FOOD!!!

December:
Pop's passed

Wow...... 2009 was kinda boring. Let's make 2010 better.. LOL!!!!

Fears....

2009-12-13T21:20:00.000-08:00

What are some of ur fears? I mean what are u really afraid of? We all have them right? I know I do.....

My fears:

Dying

Dying alone

Midgets.... (lol I know)

HIV

Failure

losing a limb

Waking up Ugly (lol again, I know)

That dark place

I mean these are just a few. But these are real. This is what I'm afraid of. But at least I'm willing to admit it.

Product of ur own EXCUSES!!!

2009-11-28T17:47:00.000-08:00

U every run into someone that can raddle off 1001 excuses as to y they haven't made anything of themselves? I call those people "Products of their own Excuses." I mean really? How else do U explain being at the same point in ur life now as u were when u graduated High School? Its crazy right? I mean think about it. Most of us have been outta High School for at least 10 years. What were u doin 10 years ago? (Cashier at Jewel....lol) And what are u doin now? If they're both the same its time for u to do some heavy evaluating of ur life.

Its 2009, and we really need to get it together. Clearly no one is gonna do it for us. Nor should they. GET OFF UR ASS!!!! I know I have.

It's getting late. Why you gotta be here?

2009-11-25T21:10:00.000-08:00

So ok. I'm sittin here listenin to Floetry "Getting Late". And for the first time in a long time I'm actually listenin to the words... And its really takin me thru.

Baby we need to Umm... talk about where we're takin this thing. How far we're gonna let this go. We've been here before..... It's getting late.

"It's getting late... Why u gotta be here? Beside me. Watching, needing, wanting me. I'm afraid (Don't be). I'm Afraid (Don't Be). I'm so scared that you'll hurt me, TWICE!!!"

Its that right there. That couple lines of the song that draws me in every time. I mean think about it. U come around and I start feelin so Sexxxy, so comfortable, so loved..... SO SCARED! I know u say I shouldn't but after all the things I've seen...

Felt....

FEEL!!!

What can I do but act and react the way I do. I mean I've been down this road before. I know what happened next. I know what I want to happen too. But I'm SO scared. I know I may sound a little crazy or random in my speech but that just because when I think about U my head fills up with so many ideas and just scattered thoughts that I just can't help but to ramble.

"It's getting late. Why u gotta be here? Beside me. Watching, needing, wanting ME?"

Its crazy to feel so sure and unsure at the exact same time. Is that my fault or urs? I don't know. I know I'm afraid. I know I shouldn't be. But I am. Ur great. And ur great for me. But that doesn't change the fact that I don't want to go down the same painful roads that relationships bring.

"Listen... I've already been thinking about u in my mind. Far too often for u to be here at this time. U see, 1 hand is on 9 and the others on my THIGH!"

That touch

The kind of touch that can brush every care u've ever had away. At the same time ignite 101 fears. Fears and Nerves u wouldn't believe. Imagine wanting to express a feeling so bad that u get consumed by it.... to the point where u want to curl up in a ball and cry. That's how bad I want to make u happy. I want to please u in ur mind.. I want to stimulate ur soul. I want u. But I'm afraid.

See.... there goes the randomness again. I can't help it. I'm so all over when it comes to u.

"I see the memories replayed, same space, same place, same bodies Baby. I know theres a method to ur manliness, But I'm AFRAID."

I guess thats just it though. Sometimes I try to fit u into the mold, instead of just letting things.... BE. I didn't think I still dwelled in the past but maybe I do. OH the hell well. I need to get past it, right? Get over it, and start something new. I just need a lil kick in the ass to get me started down this very personal journey of discovery and healing. Care to join me Baby?

I wanted to DIE.

2009-11-15T19:27:00.000-08:00

So this will probably be one of the Heaviest and most Honest post I'll ever write, but I feel like I need to talk about it.

This dates back to the summer of 1996.

I would soon be entering High School as a freshman.

So young.

So confused about life as a whole.

So not knowing which way was up or down.

...... but anyway

So I wanted to Die one night. I sat in my bathroom crying and crying and really wanting to die. But who wants to die right? Not me, well at least not now. But I can remember the thoughts racing thru my head. I can remember the voices whispering "do it" in my ear. I remember stealing my mothers pills that morning.

The crazy thing about feeling this way is the fact that these feelings were brought on by some many other people. When I was 13 goin on 14, I was fat (no sugar coating here). I was about 5'6", 350lbs. I was fat. In addition to that, I was gay. Yep.... me. I'm GAY!!!! lol. growing up in my house this was a NO NO. Think about it.... I could be a complete fat ass but as long as I liked girls. Sounds healthy? But anyway, so I grew up hating myself. I hated who I was, and what I looked like. I hated myself for being gay because It wasn't how the family taught us. And I hated being fat. I mean society tells u what ur supposed to look like when ur a teenager. Clearly I wasn't it.

So that night I took a bottle of pills and decided to end it all. I was over it. I didn't wanna keep goin. I wanted to just be at peace. But things didn't work out that way either. THANK GOD!!!

Sometimes I say that God didn't see fit for me to leave yet. There are parts of that evening that are rather choppy. I remember laying in the bathroom floor, passing out and coming back. I remember throwing up violently all night. I can also remember my sister and mom sleeping quieter than church mice. All this going on and no one woke up.

Thinking back on things I see how its possible to get to that point.

OK..... So Now What?

2009-11-15T17:35:00.000-08:00

ok. So now what am I supposed to talk about? I mean I talked about my relationship enough.... I'm sure people are tired of hearin it..... (HATERS). lol. I don't know. I need some topic suggestions. In the mean time I think my friends deserve a blog dedicated to them. Coming soon I guess.

This is what u get when ur bored at work.....

2009-11-12T11:23:00.000-08:00

OK..... SO NOW WHAT?

2009-11-12T10:56:00.000-08:00

OK..... SO NOW WHAT?

Whats next? Is it just me? Am I the only one that wants to know what the next step is? What the outcome of that is before it even happens? I mean I wanna know. Life is like the season finale of your favorite show. U know where they give U that lil cliff hanger, that lil sneak peak right at the end. Just enough to keep u coming back. GOD!!!!! I just wanna know. U think if I asked God real nicely he would tell me? At give me a lil hint? lol. No such luck I guess. What about a lil head nod God? So I can know without being told.... lol.

I HATE SURPRISES!

Remember that Baby?

2009-11-08T17:40:00.000-08:00

Baby this ones for u. and only u. Cuz ur the only one that I know will get it:

Remember the first few silent phone conversation? lol

Remember standin outside the Theater thinkin I wasn't comin? While I sat in the trunk of my car wonderin if I should leave?

The white short mixed with a hot summer day, and a weird play?

The very first Good Night Kiss? (on the cheek....lol)
awwwwwwww........

or the kiss in front of SPIN.... U know the first one! (When the Lesbians got all hot and bothered)

Pinnapple Express?

What about The day after pinnapple Express?

Remember The "Its Official" Text Message (classy)

What about the day u threw ur shirt away?

Remember clothes folded in the corner?

What about the first drunken attempt at SEX?

Remember 01-01-2009?
I do. And I probably always will.

What about Berry Chill & Chilli's?

Remember the inside joke with the GURLZ?

Remember 02-14-2009?

What about Pregnant Beth?

or Helpin them move..... lol
fun times that day.

I could probably go on and on. Cuz we have so many memories. Baby I wanna make more. I want to build up what we have as high as it will go. And expand it as wide as possible. I refuse to let this go. I know things happen, I get on ur nerves and u on mine, but I love u too much to let go.

I never swear to God... but for this one I will. Babe I swear to God I love u with all my heart and I'm in it for the long haul.

I'm just over it......

2009-10-08T10:05:00.000-07:00

U know when I started this blog I thought I was gonna have a little fun, maybe get some things off my chest. I never expected this. I never thought I would deal in all this emotion, all these issues. I just wasn't expectin it. But for the first time I get it. I get y the mood swings come. I get y I act the way I do. I deal with everything on my own. My mother is caught up in her own finacial woes. My sister is knee deep in diapers and a new family. My boyfriend is caughht between what his future holds and wanting to hold on to yester-years. My best friend is just trying to keep it together. So I deal with it on my own. I take on everyone elses problems and put mine on the back burner. I can kinda go to certain people on my list. Not everyone. And of those, not all the time. So what do I do?

My Hero...... 10-02-2009

2009-10-02T21:37:00.000-07:00

A special blog for a special person in my life. My Hero. Today is a special day for u. I love u so much. U have been THE PERSON in my life I can count on, depend on, lean on. And I love u for it. Thank u. Enjoy ur day. Happy Birthday Beth!!!!

lol... It is what it Is!!

2009-10-01T11:38:00.000-07:00

Caring is Sharing?

2009-09-29T20:55:00.000-07:00

Ok.... so when we are young we are taught to share and share alike. But what do u do when u get tried of sharing. What about when u feel more like ur fighting for attention? I'm sure its not just me that has experienced this. Here's the situation:

I've been in a relationship for the last little over a year now. And it seems lately that I am fight for attention. Like time is divided by work, tv, friends, other friends, then me. Its like ok..... At what point does my turn start? At what point do I get to go first. I mean how many more problems do u feel u have to solve for ur before u get to ME!?!?

I guess it pisses me of so bad because I've been down this road before in past relationships, and I know how this story ends. U get so fed up that u make moves for urself and ur own happiness.

But I don't want that this time. I feel like I finally have something worth fighting for, and I want to make it work. But I'm just soooooo fed up. I'm just tired. I don't know what I supposed to do. What do I do?

......... Blah!!!

2009-09-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

So ok. I'm supposed to be able to vent right? Ok. Well..... I feel like SHIT!. I feel so worthless and helpless right now. Whats goin on inside this big ol' head of mine? Hell its a mystery to me. I wish I could get it together. I need to get my life back, but where do I even start? I don't know. Where is the Vodka? Vodka makes me think pretty. lol. Maybe I just need a hug? I don't know whats goin on. LORD HELP ME!!!!

My own Xtraordinary Machine!!! 09-19-2009

2009-09-20T14:11:00.000-07:00

So yeah, I was too much of a punk to give this to u in person. I'm a lil bit corny but u gotta love it..... lol. So here it is:

It must be love... Because I can't stop thinkin about u. You're always on my mind, and I want to keep u there. So I can look at u, watch u do things u enjoy, see u smile.

It must be love... Because no matter how much time we spend together, it never seemd to be enough. Being with u feels so good that I find myself missing u before we even say goodbye.

It must be love... Because I know that I could never feel as close to anyone else as I do u.

Sweet Dreams or a Beautiful Nightmare?

2009-09-14T19:24:00.000-07:00

As much as I hate to say it (Because I'm not much a a Beyonce fan anymore)..... She hit this nail right on the head. "You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare. Either way I, don't wanna wake up from you. Sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare. Somebody pinch me, your loves to good to be true." Wow!!!!

Welcome Back Jason!!!

2009-09-14T18:10:00.000-07:00

So I been gone for a lil bit reflecting a lot on life, love, and all that goos stuff. Is it just me? Doesn't everyone take a little time and kinda withdraw a little from the world and just sort things out? Plan out life? Or just see have far away from that plan u are, and how much time and work it would take to get back on track.

I think thats the point that I'm at. I feel like life has gotten so far away from the plan I kinda set that I have to figure out if I'm supposed to get back to that plan or is life taking control and putting me where it wants me to be? I'm not really sure.......

Are u there Vodka? It's me Jason.

2009-09-01T18:05:00.000-07:00

U ever have one of "Those" days When u just want some one to make it all better? I mean just wrap their arms around u til it all goes away days. That's my day. I mean it started out great. Woke up early this morning. Walked the dog. Got ready for work. U know the regular routine. When I got in the car and backed out the drive way I felt a force puing back to the house. I should've went with that.

Other than wanting to take my finger and press the arm on the clock to help the time pass on it seemed like a regular day. I mean I still had the normal things kinda weighing on me. But I was cool. I'm strong. I can handle it. Right? Maybe not.

I mean lets just be real..... This 6'4" 250+ frame of mine might look "Ford Tough"..... But shit. I'm human. I'mma a regular ol' person. I bleed when I'm cut and cry when I'm sad. I mean how much pressure and stress am I supposed to take before I cry out "uncle", before I throw in the towel. It just seems that I work hard.... press forward..... and just get knockwd down every time.

Who would have thought that a little flat tire would be that straw to break the camels back. I mean when I say it out loud it doesn't seem that bad. Its just a flat. Right? But when u add that to all the rest of the regular expenses, and all the everyday pressures, I just feel like I can't take anymore. Lord please...... a little help here. I mean really. Can I get a break? I just want to breathe for a minute. I'll man up in a minute and come back to it.... but can I get 5 minutes?

Oh well. Are u there Vodka? It's me Jason. Its been a realy long day and I could use a hug.... lol

What do u do with disappointments?

2009-08-29T18:53:00.000-07:00

So ok... Nobodies perfect. But I'm just sayin. I mean really is it too much to ask of someone to just follow thru? I mean set out to do something then just do it. Its not that hard. And y is it that the one U love the most is the same one that disappoints u first? But then what? Cuz u love them..... Right? I guess u get over it. I mean if u really love them u take them as they are. U don't try to change them at all. U never know... They may even surprise u. (Thanx again for Sunday... lol)

Lets talk about love....

2009-08-28T09:47:00.000-07:00

So ok. Its safe to say I'm in love. And its also safe to say that I'm loved in return. But how weird is that? I'm the same person just last year that swore off love and relationships. I mean this is so scary shit goin on in my world. I guess this shows that you never tell what the future holds huh? lol